You Need Another Outfit? Rudeness and Retribution

So, I just bought the above top. I adore the leaves. I adore the copper printing. I adore the off-red color. A fabric artist made it with me in mind. How cool is that? I will wear it to art openings and book launches. (I have another of her art tops.). I like wearing art when I share my art. (If you want to know about the designer, please reach out to me.)

Now, go back a couple months. As readers know (I have blogged often about her horrendous inexcusable behavior as it still baffles and bothers me obviously), I have a horrible, mean, nasty, jealous neighbor. My tolerance and being co-opted ended in May, 2024, although my cutoff had been brewing for six months prior to that. Her behavior is not new; what is new is my response. I no longer play ball; I am leaving her to play alone.

A Boutique Story

There is a boutique where we live that was closing … not just an end of season closing but an end of life closing. Sad actually. Everything was steeply discounted as the end approached. I was noodling around the slim remaining inventory and my no-good neighbor came in and saw me perusing clothing and said to me in front of others (with a snarky tone):

You need another outfit?

It is at moments like these that one is tempted to do what the Mayor of Gloucester just did when frustrated: flip the bird. (See my post on that.) Now, I was tempted to be sure. And, at that moment, I couldn’t summon a suitable snarky response. Those responses oft-times come hours or days later. Those “in the moment retorts” are hard to come by in my view.

Sure, I get that she must be perusing what I wear with stunning and offensive regularity and counting the packages I receive. Feels really creepy. Sure, she cannot or does not buy clothing with any frequency. Sure, I get that she wishes perhaps that she were more fashionable or trendy, despite protestations to the contrary. I am sure she dislikes my collection of cowboy boots and high heels. Feeling bad I think, she asked me to look at the window of the boutique several weeks later and said there was something there I would like. I looked and it was neither my style nor my color AND it was nothing like the clothing I wear.

I raise this mean clothing comment incident today because several weeks ago, she confronted me as I was walking down the outside stairs from my home. Her starter line from down in the parking lot was this:

Why are you picking on me?

I kid you not. And, therein rests of the heart of something at least resembling (if not actually) narcissistic personality disorder, which includes an inability to see things from the perspective of the other and a person’s feeling harmed when the person doing harm is actually themselves. Ouch. It is a condition that leads to failed marriages, failed friendships, failed relationships with one’s children (biological and adopted). There is nothing good that comes from communicating that one feels attacked when one is the attacker. Imagine a parent doing that with a young child? Yikes.

In a world as difficult and contentious as ours, there is no reason to tolerate the negative behavior of others. But, flipping the bird is not the solution. Reaching out to her family (I tried with many many emails) has failed mightily to provide any relief. So, I am doing what I can to distance myself, build boundaries and pursue legal remediation if needed. And blog.

That’s because flipping the bird does not solve things. Actually, it can make things worse. Many moons ago, I had a disagreement with a physician who was one of my healthcare providers. His wife, in contrast to him, was a stellar internist — truly. I had to stop seeing her because of her poor performing physician husband (arrogant too).

I wrote about his behavior with some frequency, using only his physical location (DC) and his last name initial (Y). He asked me to stop writing about him. I asked him if he was kidding. He wasn’t.

Here’s what I said: “I use the power of the pen (keyboard). And to be clear, I said, I never have and never will use your full name.”

Like with my writing about my neighbor, I do not use the names of non-public figures whom I address in my blogs. I know that truth is an absolute defense to libel and slander accusations but the reason I don’t name names is because, if the shoe fits, it is yours to wear. Readers don’t need me to tell them that the blogs are about them.

Most folks I write about never see the blogs I write about them. I do not circulate them as a way of flapping my finger in their direction. I could but, with limited exception, I don’t. Nope. I write and publish because I can flip my fingers with a keyboard and that is vastly more civilized and decent. And my pieces circulate to those who subscribe to Medium, those who see me on social media and those to whom I email links.

But, the next time someone sarcastically says to me “You need another outfit?” in a public place, I will have an on the spot response. Try this one on for size (a suitable use of words in the context of clothing): “Yes I want another outfit, and given your comment, I assume you are paying for it. Thank you so so much.”

How good is that? Of course, you may have better retorts. I seem to have a need for them. Please share.

PS. I’m tempted to send this blog to my neighbor but I don’t think it would do any good. She’d read it and wonder and ask about whom I was writing. I’m serious. She would not recognize herself. I could send it to her daughters. But, what good work that do? They don’t deal with her and her issues…. They stay away and when here, can’t stay in her presence. Bummer. They could learn something if they actually took this blog and many others I’ve written on the same subject (their mother ) into their cognitive sphere and reflected and pondered …. But alas… that won’t happen….