The Invisibility Attitude
In an earlier post, I labeled human behavior that ignores the other as the “Invisibility Attitude.” This occurs when folks act and behave with complete disregard for the other. Actually, it is worse than that: it is folks not even seeing the others in their midst. And they are standing in the way of or damaging others.
An amazing educator shared a line on invisibility from Ralph Ellison after seeing my original post. The quote says, in sum, that one is invisible because others refuse to see you. That introduces intent into the equation. Perhaps subconscious blindness to the other is at issue here. Yipes.
I have been questing to understand meanness, which can take the form of invisibility of the other. I have thought that if one can understand it, then one can more effectively strategize how to respond to it and stop it.
But, I am now thinking that we may never understand the Invisibility Attitude, and it may well be rooted in vastly different places among those who hold this offensive behavior. Maybe it is narcissism; maybe it is deep character flaws; maybe it is mental illness; maybe it is housed in discriminatory attitudes and beliefs; maybe it is grounded in profound insecurity; maybe it is ignorance. Or some combination.
But, does the cause even matter? Perhaps in the midst of our crazy world, from a bad acting neighbor to bad acting folks in public places to bad acting folks in government, we just need to call out bad behavior everywhere we see it. We need to rebut invisibility and become visible.
Try it this way, adapting the adage about speaking truth to power. Maybe we need to speak up to those who espouse or promote or endorse invisibility. Yup: those of us who are treated as invisible or who see others being treated as invisible need to call out that bad behavior.
Stated another way: the unseen need to be seen and point out their presence to the promoters of invisibility.
Here’s a new adage:
Speak presence to invisibility.
So, nasty neighbor blocking efforts to move cars and snow and ice: leave this place so others can help get things improved as you are surely not helping.
Can’t you see that?
So cell phone users who are loud: stop talking loudly in public spaces and move yourself to a quiet space so others do not need to share in your life.
Can’t you see that?
So passengers who usurp the space of others on planes and trains: stick to your space and do not take the space of others as if they were non-existent.
Can’t you see that?
So you politicians who take away jobs with abandon and civil rights and civil liberties: stand down and consider the impact your actions have on the wellness of others and see the consequences of your actions.
Can’t you see that?
The forgoing is just a starter list of invisibility. We need to stand up to invisibility; that is my motto of the day… week…. month…year.
And, warning: if I speak up to you, please know ahead of time that your actions are about your not seeing the other. Invisibility is not acceptable. See the other. Feel the other. Stop refusing to see.
Postscript:
A friend observed that some people may not be comfortable calling others out. It puts one (the person calling out badness) front and center. True enough. It does take courage.
And yes, there will be some pushback. I get that. Folks will sometimes retort with inept or even nasty retorts. Yup. Seen that.
But if we can’t speak up now, when?
And as a point of information, when mean nasty folks chirp back, their true stripes reveal themselves even more. I recollect my neighbor saying to me (with dripping sarcasm), “Have a good life” when I called out her behavior. Yes, she still didn’t get it. And yes, I will try to have a remarkable, giving, good life.
And one can always remark back to offenders, saying: res ipsa. If they don’t get the meaning, oh well.
