Snowy Thoughts and Age

Still snowing. Yes it is stunning.

But, the snow appears to me to be a sad symbol. Writ large, it is as if “we” are covering the world in white. The “white” thing is the approach of our current leaders. White is, then, the “in” color, along with privilege and absence of mercy and disregard for the other.

Whitewashing.

Now is not the time for pink pussy hats and protests; we are long long past that.

Hypocrisy on Steroids

So, how do families with some members who are and some members who are not T supporters manage? How about among us in our communities, with so called friends and neighbors? Before, perhaps one could ignore differences and meet in the middle. There is no middle now.

I can’t tolerate those who discriminate and profess religion in the same breath. It isn’t about politics; it is about values and morality and decency and respect. If one supports the denigration of the other, I’m done.

As a key aside, how does Vance sleep at night next to a brown woman born to immigrant parents? How does T sleep with an immigrant? OK, they don’t sleep together. If one supports T and his minions while one has a trans daughter/son/friend or one has friends/relatives who work to help trans youth and adults, how exactly does one live with oneself? I am serious: Doesn’t hypocrisy keep one awake at night?

Whitewashing.

Aging and Age

Among other efforts to accompany my modified news diet, I have been watching plentiful sports (always a pleasure and I cheer for every underdog … no shock there) and reading (if one can’t name at least two books one has read in the last month, it is hard for me to relate to you and the Bible/Koran/Talmud don’t count in the total …and if one never reads, OMG) and binge on Netflix series and movies (both new and older and quality is variable but they work to distract).

And don’t worry: this ties together with the current government disaster in our world… work with me here.

In the series Younger, I have been struck by and have been thinking about its premise: a woman newly divorced in her early 40’s pretends she is 26 … the age reversal lets her land a job and find a youthful lover. And new friends.

But the idea is way deeper. Would one reverse time in real time and give up on earlier experiences and cultural references to re-live one’s youth with the benefit of 20–20 hindsight? In other words, would and could one revisit one’s youth while erasing one’s past? Or could one live younger and live with a profound lie day in and day out, knowing what one knows but burying it or sublimating it?

In the series which is 7 seasons long and I am in season one, the protagonist has to keep suppressing her knowledge of life. She has to pretend she didn’t give birth. She has to pretend she knows the music and politics of the now but not the anchors of her lived youth. She has to be mendacious with regularity. In the current episode, she is pretending to be 26 but editing the book on sexual awakening of a 40 year old. The irony is not lost on her. Her real self is editing a book by a peer in age, all the while pretending to be 26!

I have commented frequently of late about aging and its pains (on all levels). Sure, I think I could pass for 55. At least some folks tell me so, including at pickleball a year or so ago where my then partner was thunderstruck when someone asked if I could be his daughter. Would I age back? Should I lie and age back? What would I get and what would I lose?

Obviously, it is way harder to pretend to be 26 when one is 42. Why? Well, one can still be wise at 55. One could still be the parent of an adult child. One could still have been married and widowed. One could still have reached career success and personal growth. One could still dress similarly. One could still have amazing new friends.

True, I could find a young lover…. More on that momentarily. But, would I give up the lessons of living in and through the 60’s? Would I give up Beatlemania and folk songs? Would I give up on a 40 year marriage, even with its ups and downs? Would I give up having been a college president and friends of 50 years? Would I give up new friends who have entered my life of late? Would I give up wisdom? Would I be capable of lying again and again and again?

The short answer is NO. I have learned plenty. I have given plenty. I have experienced plenty. I have witnessed plenty. I have new and older friends I would not trade for anything. I have lived plenty and MRW and JAS, I would never have traded away our romantic vibrant intimate time together.

Sure, there are things I’d erase (some things and some people, including some recent bad choices on my part in terms of “friendships” with narcissistic mean folk who are totally lacking in decency while wrapped in religiosity, alleged ethicists who plagiarize, those who can’t self-reflect even for a nano-second). Who hasn’t made mistakes?

But, I would never trade away so many things and so many people and so many pets. Wrinkles and Apricat wouldn’t exist in my life if I were 55.

Yes, instead of rolling back the clock and finding a young lover to match a pretend 55 year old woman, I need to use every ounce of my being to figure out how to leave the world better then I found it, using the wisdom of experience to stop T and EM and Heritage and their respective and collective minions. Gray hair will serve me well in this effort. And I need to effort this effort now. Time is a ‘wasting.’

But, if perchance you are a male reader who is older with wisdom but still young at heart and in body and widowed or divorced (if you’ve never been married or married for under 10 years, that’s a serious no-go), I’m available. But I won’t pretend to be a different age. I am what I am. Older is better…at least in some hugely material ways.