Pickleball, Thank-Yous and a Time for Change
I just finished a noteworthy piece in JAMA Forum on January 11, 2024 titled (aptly): The Case of the Missing Thank Yous (written by Joshua Sharfstein). In this article, the physician author references a story involving electronic medical records. The system provider eliminated the appearance online of any patient responses that said: Thank you.
The goal, apparently, was to reduce the volume of incoming messages. One has to assume that few responses eases the system operating needs and somehow reduces costs. The physician questioned whether the elimination of thank-yous was/is a wise decision on many levels, and he laments more generally how we eliminate good stories (and successes) and focus on what goes wrong. In other words, recognizing positives is like a thank you. Both matter.
The deletion of thank-yous and the focus on negatives are, for me, warning signs in many contexts but two in particular: pickleball (yes, that growing sport where I spend some personal time) and education (where I spend my professional time). Let me explain.
Pickleball
Pickleball, at least for me, serves three purposes (I almost said “served” and you’ll see why): fun and exercise and social connection. Recently, several incidents have challenged fulfillment of these purposes. I was in a charity tournament with brackets based on gender, age and ranking. I placed myself in the correct bracket: 2.0–3.0 and over 60. What was shocking (remember, this was for a charity designed to assist disabled adults thrive) is this: two folks in my bracket were well over a 3.0 ranking — and I mean well over. One was at least a 3.5. One player was under 60, close to be sure but not yet 60. So why did these individuals both age up and rank down? The answer as I see it: They wanted to win.
I’m not kidding.
On another occasion involving group play for players ranked under 3.0, my initial partner (who looked ready to annihilate competition), was readying herself to play. I said: “I might be a tad rusty as I haven’t played in a bit.” She had selective hearing and said: “What? You haven’t played? You don’t know the rules?” I turned to her (my game partner) and said: “Yes, I’ve played before. I just haven’t played recently.” OMG.
Well, as the games progressed (and she and I won that first game), we rotated among the players and then, three games later, she and I were re-matched as partners. I was not pleased and apparently it showed. She said to me: “You don’t look too happy to be paired with me.” I responded, “Well, it’s not as if you made me feel welcomed when we first played.” I reminded her we had won too — and not just because of her quality play. In the second go-around, she looked at me and said: “I think the opposition is weak and I will tone down my game.” Then, after a few points, she said:
“I can’t change my style.” Too bad for them was her message.
I’m not kidding.
Here’s my point: How about not deleting thank-yous in pickleball? How about some grace and fun and willingness to compete with a touch of generosity. If you want to be in a tournament or shoot-out, be my guest but don’t lie. And if you are just playing, then ease up the snark and play with openness. And if you are so much better, get a better ranking or switch hands and play with your non-dominant hand. A game intended for (and created for) fun and comradery and to equalize the tall/short (think kitchen) and young/older (think couples and families) and stronger/weaker (think some men and some women and add in children) has somehow lost its way. It has become overly competitive; it has turned into big business. Thank yous are being eradicated.
Negatives
Here’s another missed thank you opportunity. I have just completed a new book on what my co-author and I term the “Pandemic Positives.” It is appearing in Sept. 2024 and is published by Teachers College Press. Its title speaks to its goals: Mending Education: Finding Hope, Creativity and Mental Wellness in Times of Trauma.
Instead of focusing on the negative impact of the Pandemic on education (and there are and were no shortage of negatives), it focuses on the reality that a crisis can enable positives and opportunities — if we take the time and have the will to see the positives rather than discarding them as soon as the crisis at hand eases.
For some, this approach seems impossible. The Pandemic was a disaster in a myriad of ways. Who can see positives amidst death and dying? I get that the Pandemic harmed families, damaged health and profoundly impacted our social engagement capacities. And that’s just a starter list of negatives.
But, there were positives; there almost always are in crises. And we would be wise to spend the time to find them, name them and then see if they can be replicated and scaled with stickiness. That’s a challenge generally and a deep challenge in the field of education where change is hard to accomplish. Indeed, it was easier to be critical of education than to find and capture the positives. In Mending Education, we identified over 30 positives; another publication found over 3,000 (that’s not a typo).
Closing Thoughts
Thank yous are important — in pickleball and in finding positives. Thank you is a way of acknowledging something good, something valuable, something positive. Thank yous are not just words; they are actions and feelings and graciousness. Eliminating them — whether in medical record responses or pickleball or in evaluation a crisis aftermath — is unwise. We need thank yous.
And to my readers, a special thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you all.
