Pickleball and Its Lessons
About 18 months ago, I stopped playing pickleball altogether. The reasons were plentiful but a key reason (apart from injury that sidelined me for 6 months) was participating in a charity tournament a few years ago where teams were placed in brackets based on age and level (rank). When my own instructor showed up in my group (claiming lingering injury to a knee to explain her lowered ranking), I was stunned. Come on. A charity tournament! Cheating? So desperate to win one ages up and ranks down? I’m Done.
Recently, I started playing pickleball again in a new place. Several friends have played singles with me there. Fun. (Pickleball is usually doubles just for the record.)
Then, I decided for complex reasons to try out playing with an unknown group ranked at my level … with me on the higher end. I figured it was a pretty safe bet that I could manage (unless folks lied about their rank, something that didn’t dawn on me in advance). True, I would be playing with strangers, not friends. But, ranking is an equalizer or so I thought.
Then, the first player (in addition to me) showed up. Maybe age 60. She stopped out due to elbow tendinitis and was returning armed with various taping and bands; this was her first match back. (An aside: she was good and clearly would be way better than me had she not been rusty). Then, and here’s the kink, a couple arrived. In their early thirties. And apart from too many errors, they hit hard and with spin and amazing serves. New to the sport, but they were really good. Perhaps unranked but not unschooled. They shouldn’t have been playing down, unless winning was the goal. Oh… right… that might explain it. Win to learn and improve. Play weaker opponents to feel better!
I managed during the session. I was not embarrassed. I hit some good shots (maybe 15 of them). For 90 minutes, I only missed getting 3 serves in. Now had everyone else not made mistakes, it would have been a horror show but we rotated partners and most of the 6 — 8 games were not lopsided. That’s the good news.
When the court time ended, I suddenly realized why I had quit pickleball before: I wanted to play for fun and others wanted to play to win. Sure, points are nice but I won’t aim at someone’s head or feet to win. I won’t spin to win (any spin I have is accidental anyhow). I want to laugh and when the score is an area code or an emergency number, I make a crack as I announce the score (212 (nice place); 911 (oops don’t want that); 202 (hot spot now)). You get the idea. Folks weren’t even smiling at my quips.
I was angry after the match. I felt bad. I decided not to play again with strangers. I was done … again. I shared that thought with the decent guy at the desk and he said: “Wait. Try this group or this event next time. These are aimed for fun.” Hum. Maybe.
As I left and as I drove home, I had three … count them … three epiphanies:
1. I was old enough to be the young couples’ grandmother! Yup.
2. Although they didn’t know my age, a 40 plus year age gap could have led to worse outcomes; at least I didn’t pass out or fall down or complain. I did ask for a water break once. Bottom line, I’m not in bad shape. That’s good news.
3. It is easy to feel inadequate but if one pauses and reflects, one can catch that ever so immediate sense of failure and replace it with a sense of courage and vulnerability and yes, pride.
As an educator, a field where we watch kids struggle to learn (which inevitably involves failure), we’d be wise to insure there is always fun and play that accompanies learning. Failure is easier if we are easier on ourselves. Play and fun help with that.
Teachers know this intuitively; teach through the positive, not the negative. Provide reinforcement not repeated criticism (a good lesson for coaches/nutritionists too). Teach and coach with a sense that folks can learn if they feel good about themselves and enjoy the process. Play to strengths; don’t attack weaknesses. A quality life lesson although not the goal of some pickleball players.
It took pickleball with a couple in their low thirties to teach this slightly over 70 year old woman that she did well … to show up, to play and to compete. And, to realize that she chooses to play for fun … as she teaches playfully too. Yup. I (and many many others) do way better when surrounded by positives.
So, I’ll play again with friends and with strangers if I can find a group that is there to play for enjoyment. (Yes, for some folks, intense competition is fun as is winning over weaker opponents … not my gig). And I’ll keep reminding myself that I know learning and growth occur, at least for me, when there is strong positive encouragement. And it doesn’t matter whether that is sports or a new language or a new work challenge, success can occur if there is fun and playfulness and encouragement. Lessons from pickleball … again.
