Living and Moving in a World of Others
Ponder all the opportunities we have every day to engage with others for the first time or as part of a routine (unless one is home bound, which can occur for any number of reasons, including choice or absence of engagement uptake or illness , mental or physical).
Some of these engagement opportunities are small, like at a coffee shop or breakfast spot where we order breakfast (drive throughs count too). Some opportunities are larger, like encountering folks in the places where we work (companies, schools, factories). Some are variable opportunities, like if we are traveling near or far, say by plane or train.
These are all opportunities to talk or interact with others, some of whom we know well and others whom we stumble upon for the first, and perhaps only, time.
Today, I have been traveling to a conference on trauma responsiveness in schools in Atlanta, just two days before I head to Kenya to work with students at a school there. (I am sure I will be blogging about that.) And, here is what startles me as I journey onward: how many people are totally and completely oblivious to the other.
With plentiful engagement opportunities, folks proceed in their own bubble, unaware of the other. They are stomping through their space or hogging their own space or uttering words that seem totally out of place in the presence of others. Stunning actually. They seem to be completely self-focused. They treat the rest of us humans as if we were invisible.
Let me share some examples.
While I was waiting to board a flight today, some folks were speaking so loudly on their cell phones that you could learn lots about their personal and professional lives. These folks are in their own worlds, as if the other passengers were trees or inanimate objects. The loudness of their voices was remarkable….and that’s not a compliment.
Then, after I was on a plane, there was a person seated next to me who was large in size….perhaps obese. When seated, he literally took over space, spreading his things out including his computer; these items obscured access to my fold out table. And he put his legs in such a way that no one could pass into the aisle. Are you kidding me? This was throughout the flight. Forget that I saw him swat his paperback book on the backside of his daughter who was seated in a different row and was passing him in his row as she entered hers; who does that?
Then, as we landed, the flight attendant announced that some fellow passengers had tight connections due to our delayed flight and asked if the rest of us could just wait to disembark.
For starters, no one listened. Everyone got up to get off. But, as I exited, I reminded the flight attendant that many of us on board had non-flight related events that were awaiting our arrival. We, too, were late. As I said to him, were I on vacation, I could wait. He was so focused on passengers connecting, he forget about his other passengers.
Here’s my point: wouldn’t we all feel better and do better if we were cognizant of the others in our midst and took just 20 nanoseconds to contextualize our behavior? Come on.
Everyone can’t be narcissists. Everyone can’t be an isolated human, detached from other humans. Everyone can’t be so self-focused that they can’t see how their voice or use of space or choice of words is totally and completely affecting others.
Ponder this: folks aren’t talking loudly in the privacy of their offices. Folks aren’t sitting in their dens at home. Folks aren’t all at airports to get connections.
I’m labeling this phenomena described here as the “Invisibility Attitude.” Bottom line: Folks treat others as if they were invisible.
In a world as crazy and off kilter as ours, when our elected leaders are ignoring the other every minute of every day, might we try to rebut and rail against and ignore the Invisibility Attitude? It is an attitude that needs to change. Now.
