Don’t Rain on a Parade: There’s Value in Being Quiet

Generally speaking, I believe in using one’s voice, speaking one’s truth. Communication is a value in my world.

But….

There are times when one needs to bite one’s tongue. There are certainly times when one would be wise to think before one speaks.

This is not to inhibit free speech. But sometimes, we would be better biting our tongue so to speak. I get the value of honesty and truth telling but it is simplistic to say that we should utter whatever comes into our heads.

Adages and Parades

I have often lamented some common adages because they turn out to be inaccurate. I’ve tried to get some dropped from our lexicon.

But there is one adage that I think has value: don’t rain on someone’s parade. In other words, don’t ruin someone’s moment in the sun or moment of glory or success. Let them bask in the success … and if you have a criticism, save it for later.

It is in this context that I was flabbergasted by Trump’s comments on the very recent massive hostage swap and release. Now, I suppose I should not have been surprised as this is a man who can’t seem to hold his tongue (just think about the recent “discussion” with Black journalists where he saw fit to comment on racial identity).

Anyhow, Trump did say he wouldn’t speak negatively about the release of Americans. Then he proceeded to lambast the process. He said basically: Had he architected (my word, not his) the exchange, he would not have “paid” and he would not have let murderers out.

Was that the moment for criticism? Seriously? Trump couldn’t tolerate the success of others in power. So, he rained (pissed) on the parade. How inappropriate. How telling. How non-reflective.

Just seeing the joy of families upon the return of their loved ones to US soil was poignant. No words needed actually. If he had to speak, Trump could have said: “So wonderful to see these Americans back on US soil.” And then he could have held his tongue.

And for me, there is a broader lesson. We all would be wise to know when to be quiet, when speaking doesn’t add anything. It is like inappropriate questions I have written about before. Sometimes, we need to reign ourselves in and be our better self.

I suppose that some people — whether because of personality or mental distress/ mental disorder or unprocessed trauma or plain meanness — cannot control their tongues. They rain on many parades and as such ruin key positive moments of others. These individuals should not be our leaders, our educators, our doctors, our romantic partners. They fail the empathy test big time…

Sadly, I know too many of these parade rainers. I bet you do too.