Doing What I Advise Others to Do…
I regularly advise groups as to how to navigate through crises, how to deal with traumas in their schools and their lives, how to manage in unstable and changing environments. I share with folks that there is lots we cannot change but we have the capacity for change in some areas of our lives. We can and should act, using our voices and marching with our feet. We can exercise creativity and have hope.
Easier said than done.
A Flight Crash Changed Me Yesterday
Yesterday, I was at DCA when it reopened. I was flying from DCA to Boston. My initial flight was cancelled and I was rebooked. As I approached the airport, I saw the plentiful media gathered to report on the tragic plane crash. (Leave aside for a moment that our President turned the tragedy into a narcissistic opportunity.). I saw the rescue books in the water.
I was just struck by the randomness of badness and horror and destruction. And there is nothing we can do when we are sitting in a flying tin can, entrusting our lives to maintenance crews, pilots, air traffic controllers, among others. Sure, we can pick quality airlines and quality aircraft (I will not fly the Boeing Maxes). But we are limited in what is within our agency.
Given that there is much danger we cannot control, I was almost paralyzed as I looked at the plentiful flight cancellations at DCA. Life upended in a flash for the victims and their families and their coaches and the abundant workers at DCA, including rescue workers. Others who could not get home or get to a job were upended too. And, for me, the flight crash crashed our spirits in a world gone mad (context matters).
Self Reflection on Steroids
And it struck me as I was glued to that screen that I have most recently NOT stepped up to stop a dangerous driver in my neighborhood, someone who most assuredly should not be driving due to a host of impairments ranging from lack of hearing to lack of reflexes due to use of particular prescribed medications. And, a fellow neighbor reached out to me, asking if I could do something two weeks ago.
I said no. Not my job as I have tried. The dangerous driver and her adult children know of the situation and they all know or should know I have complained about the risks she presents to others. I said, “Sorry, I can’t help.” I even shared the whole situation concerning the dangerous driver with a professional her family retained to mediate her behaviors; as I said to this person: here’s what I know about the dangerous driver; the ball is in your court; not my role…not my job…not my responsibility…not bothering my conscience.
How wrong I was about my reaction internally to my inaction. Not only did the AA crash wake me up but I realized I still felt there WAS something I could do something about this danger to others and I was standing back and standing down and fuming and watching and changing my own driving behavior (which I have written about) so I would NOT be on the road simultaneously with the dangerous driver. And, I was feeling horrid for disappointing the neighbor who asked me to step up. And, in my long life, I have stepped up for many folks in way worse settings.
One plane crash, one bold daring Bishop, plentiful self-reflection: I have acted.
Here’s how.
There is a method in MA to report dangerous drivers who should be required to retake the road test. In some states, the reporting can only be done by a physician. But, in MA, ordinary citizens can make a report. And so I did. I emailed it last night and this morning, I faxed it and hard copy mailed it to the Department of Medical Affairs at DMV. I will watch and wait and see if they act.
And, if they do not act within a reasonable time, I can pursue other avenues to protect my community. These involve other regulatory bodies, including local law enforcement.
And, here’s my guess: her family and the dangerous driver will suggest that the only time she drives is when she goes to church or needs to smoke away from the building. I get being faith abiding, although I am not. I get the value of religion to enable one to address life’s many complexities. I even get smoking as long as it doesn’t endanger others. We can make plentiful choices about self-harm.
Possible alternatives to driving: Taxi? Maybe the church can retrieve her? Uber? A family member? Public transport? Car service? Senior center bus
But, to wrap oneself in religiosity while endangering others is hypocritical and lacking in mercy and kindness and awareness of the other, all profound religious values as the Right Reverend Budde advised us with such clarity during the Inaugural Prayer Service (which led to plentiful controversy and threats on her life and a threat of deportation although she isn’t an immigrant (except in the sense that we all are)).
I had been too scared to report danger. That fear has passed. I’ve stepped up and I feel better about myself and my community. Sure, there will be blow-back from the dangerous driver and her family. I can handle that. I can handle that legally for sure and for real. But more importantly, I can handle it morally, feeling that as danger lurks around every corner, I am addressing in my small ways, the dangers we can and must mitigate for the benefit of the larger common good. I have the role model of Bishop Budde by my side. And, yes, this isn’t a big issue but if one life is saved and one child is not run over and one pet is not killed and one building is not destroyed, that has value.
As I head off to give advice momentarily to folks on campuses across our nation, I feel more honest and more in sync. My values and my behavior have aligned again.
