Clouds, Love and Life: Stirring Memories and Making New Ones

I’ve often thought of life like cracked eggs and not in bad, broken way. Eggs all crack differently (and how we crack them differs too) and there’s lots one can do with the insides of eggs — mushing together (or separating) the yolk and albumen. And the shells are pretty protective too; some eggs don’t crack easily.

And, as we age, we change recipes and repeat old recipes and wonder if there are new recipes on the horizon. And we keep cracking eggs, even decorating them, through the passage of time.

Joni Mitchell

It is within this frame of cracked eggs that I have listened multiple times to parts of the recent concert at the Newport Folk Festival (I had been in Newport barely three weeks ago but not at the Festival sadly) at which Joni Mitchell took the stage. And she hadn’t performed a full set in 20 years. Those years had been beset with illness, including an aneurysm that had taken away — among other things — her words and her voice. She’s 78 now (which means I am no youngster either having listened to her and other folk musicians throughout my high school and college years and thereafter).

The rendition of the song Both Sides Now, which was written by Mitchell before her first performance in Newport in 1967, was what took and still takes my breath away and brings me to tears. Singing a song that had profound meaning on many levels and sung by its creator, a woman who truly had experienced both sides of life and love and health, I was and am struck and moved.

First, here is a song that has withstood the test of time. We know many things don’t. There are movies and songs that were right when created but seem dated and almost unreal or antiquated decades later. (I am sure readers can name many.) But Both Sides Now, particularly as sung again by Mitchell this week, had not only NOT lost meaning, it had gained meaning. It was and is a song that speaks to all of us about clouds, love and life.

Second, I have often observed that with the passage of time and often when I am doing academic writing, the more I learn about a topic, the less I feel I know that topic. I have been stunned at various times over the decades by how little I know even as time passes and this is not about memory lapses (a whole other topic).

When I taught and when I still teach, I realize that the deeper I probe, the less I feel I have captured all the knowledge and meaning and inferences and connections there are to find on a given topic. In a sense, while I am moving forward, the chasm between knowledge and ignorance grows. You don’t know what you don’t know until you know.

It is within this frame that when Joni Mitchell shared yet again that she doesn’t understand clouds or love or life even now, I was emboldened by this truth. Yes, decades pass but there are topics where we keep learning if we live life every day (to steal and tweek a tad a line from the song). And there’s the insight into aging and wisdom.

We keep learning and growing and yet, no matter our age, there is more to learn and more growing to do. And on critical topics like love and life, we keep learning if we keep living and if we are open to that growth. And, Joni Mitchell’s rendition of this song over decades and now in her older years, reminds me of how life evolves and how we grow and how continue to wrestle with existential questions and quest for more.

Third, Mitchell’s voice has surely changed as she aged and perhaps after she relearned to sing again. But, her current voice is deep and profoundly nuanced; she adds meaning and pauses to words and phrases. As The Rolling Stone reported (and I don’t think I have used them as a source in decades) quoting Celisse, Joni Mitchell “schooled us all” with her rendering of Both Sides Now. As Celisse noted, Mitchell was storytelling through singing.

Fourth and last, as I listened and listened to this recording from the Newport Folk Festival, I wondered if I was listening to Joni Mitchell perform for the last time. I often had the same feeling (which I have written about) when I saw Isaac Stern perform and Leonard Bernstein conduct in their respective later years. I always thought on those occasions: Capture the moment and absorb it; it may be the last time you see them perform live. And, recognizing life’s fragility, like the fragility of eggs in many ways (which are also strong in other ways), is part of this Newport event.

Live and Other Conclusions

There are many lessons to take from Joni Mitchell and her song and her singing of her song, Both Sides Now. But, if I were to boil it down to its essence, it is all about living life — now. It is about moving forward, despite the hurdles and appreciating life even when scrambled up like eggs.

If you get a chance, google any recording of this most recent singing of Both Sides Now. (I have linked to an article among many that embeds the singing below.) Cry a few tears for the years that have passed and the many cracked eggs in our lives and find hope in the continuing journey we humans undertake to understand clouds, love and life.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/joni-mitchell-performed-both-sides-now-and-the-internet-is-sobbing