A World Gone Wrong
The above is a photograph, unaltered by AI and taken on my kitchen countertop. The beauty of nature. Doesn’t it look like a sailboat?
And the beauty of our natural world stands in sharp contrast to the current state of the US government. Local governments are derailing too: take Bennington VT as but one example (look at select board behavior; actually, misbehavior is a better term). Meanness in all senses abounds.
While I have sworn off political news, there are things I can’t help but notice on my various feeds: decisions and orders changing, and revocations of, protections of people and places. These harsh and unjustified assaults on human decency and dignity and the abdication of preservation of our natural resources are but two examples of meanness on steroids.
Add in these two items: Pardoning folks who sought to destroy Democracy (in the name of preserving it) is reprehensible as is the support for a misogynistic, poorly behaving candidate for Secretary of Defense. How dangerous and morally bankrupt.
I am still standing by my stand that Melania’s eye covering hat worn at the Inauguration messages loudly: “I can’t look at what is occurring in my adopted nation nor can I stomach looking at my husband (even if I am paid millions to do so).” After all, she is an immigrant (the legality of which is questionable); her parents are immigrants. Her son has an immigrant mother. Need I go on?
Solutions
I have no easy solutions. I am searching for them, assuming I am willing to re-engage more fully. But this much I know. Meanness is pathetic behavior exhibited by those who suffer from a wide range of deficits: insecurity, envy, narcissism, lack of empathy, absence of self-reflection, dysregulation and a failure to understand and exhibit reciprocity.
These mean folks can’t be (shouldn’t be?) encompassed in our circle of friends. They can’t be (shouldn’t be?) our lovers. They can’t be (shouldn’t be?) folks to whom we entrust our futures. They shouldn’t hold political power at the local, state and national levels.
Sure, we can’t actually remove them from our lives and environs, near and far. They are too plentiful, and some “meannies” were voted into power. But like depriving a fire of oxygen that fuels it, we can made strides toward suffocating meanness.
There are plentiful ways to “oxygen-deprive.” Here’s one such strategy: Call out meanness and mean people clearly and loudly. Don’t be scared to speak up and out. Doing this can and should be done without being mean; one can be firm and clear, without being snarky and nasty. In other words, don’t mimic the mean person’s tone; instead speak with authenticity and directness. Then, continue to exercise kindness to those among us who understand and appreciate and/or can reciprocate it.
Consider these steps to be clear: Stop engaging with the mean people but first, demonstrate unequivocally a profound and deep seated unwillingness to accept their behavior. They and others watching need to see this. (They won’t like this; someone said to me after I called them out on pervasive and perpetual meanness, “Have a good life,” delivered with a vituperative tone.)
Then, surround oneself with kind decent people and be a kind decent person by treating others (the non-mean folks, especially those in need and in one’s friend circle) with kindness. Kindness is curative. It is positive. It is life-affirming.
One added point. Don’t listen to those, especially those who are or consider themselves in positions of authority, who say: it is not my job to watch out for others; I just stay in my lane and so should you. Really, folks in positions of authority and influence say that! Someone (I choose not to name) said it to me recently. They don’t get that true decent civil folks have very very long and wide lanes, working to improve society writ large.
In this latter context, remember the words of retired 100 year old dentist Jack Weber cited in the WSJ today, words he said someone gave him that contributed to his long and fulfilling life:
One recent concrete example. A group I co-lead and with which I am engaged regularly received a terribly snarky uncalled for email. It was what I’d label “written meanness.” One group member responded by saying, in essence, we followed our email rules and hence you were copied on our emails. But, as you requested and moving forward, we will remove your name.
The mean person apologized within 30 minutes.
But, there needed to be more said and done and written. I then sent an email to the mean person saying “we thank you” for the apology and we are, as requested, removing your name. But know this, our group does not tolerate meanness; there is no place for it within our group. We wish you a New Year filled with peace and the presence of kindness.
Here’s the point: don’t let meanness slip by or slip through. Call it out. Call it out without raising your voice. And then, abandon the mean folks (take them off the email list so to speak) and moving forward and with abundance, show kindness to those still in that list.
I was struck by this recent quote that appeared in a Facebook post. It is worth our reading and re-reading:
Postscript: I was just reading about sports (a substitute for other news) and came upon an article about Kirk Herbstreit. He is a much maligned sportscaster and has had dubious behavior outside of the broadcasting booth. People enjoying “hating” on him. In an article about him, these words appear:
I get that some subset of folks can’t stop spewing meanness. My prescription: Stop it and the air in your fire is set to expire. I’m on it.
